Confessions of a Screaming Mother

confessions of a screaming mom

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Confession time: I am a screamer. A yeller.

 

I’m that mom.

 

I start with the best of intentions. With dreams of projects to complete and books to read. Daydreams of a clean house, clean children, clean self. No laundry pile. A healthy, balanced lunch. Children happily playing, joyous that I am their mom that works so hard for them. A leisurely three hour nap each afternoon, from which they will awaken and continue to sing my praises.

 

But somewhere, along the mountains of laundry, piles of dishes, and stench of sweaty boys and BO {surely not my own?!}, and constant, tired whines, I can feel the yell gurgling deep within my belly.

 

This is not how it’s supposed to be!

 

Don’t they know I am giving them every last ounce of myself? Don’t they know I’m a person too? Isn’t my love enough? Aren’t I doing enough? I can’t give anything more! Why aren’t they listening?!

 

And then it comes out. A yell. A scream. A desperate cry.

 

A demand for changed behavior that falls on deaf ears. {Have you ever noticed that seem to not even hear you when you yell?}

 

Then later, in the dark of bed time, when the house is quiet, the fervent prayers of my weary heart. Seeking forgiveness. It did not go how I planned. I meant to be cool, collected. How did it go so wrong? Why did I yell… again?

 

I recently have felt very convicted for my screaming.

 

Because how I react and behave is how my boys will someday treat their own families. My first reaction is the habit they will form.

 

Not to mention, how horrible would it be to remember your mother as a screaming ogre? I can only imagine the family stories.

 

So I am choosing to show my boys the same mercy shown to me by our heavenly father. To choose grace. To choose love. To choose slow to anger. Quick to praise. To focus on the good.

 

Maybe even to whisper my words of correction instead of bellowing.. To be full of peace. To be full of love. To show my boys grace.

 

To stop being that screaming mom.

About Layne Quintanilla

I'm a Child of God, wife, frugal home school mama, and blogger. Living each day intentionally & full of joy!

4 Responses to Confessions of a Screaming Mother

  1. Jeri Accardo May 21, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    I feel the pain! I started doing some really great meditations from Lisa Beachy on youtube. Her meditations are called “Meditations for Moms” go figure?? But they aren’t real long ones, and they are the MOST FANTASTIC EVER!!! I love her meditations!

    • Layne Quintanilla May 21, 2013 at 5:02 pm #

      I’ll have to check them out! I have done very well yesterday and today — no yelling! I also slept better than normal last night, so I think that helped today! 🙂

  2. Beanybopp May 21, 2013 at 5:54 pm #

    I’m a yeller also. I don’t like to be but sometimes things just get to be enough and burst! My mom is a yeller, so maybe that is where I get it from. My whole family talks LOUD (My husband would always tell me that I didn’t have to yell…when I wasnt and quickly found out the difference lol). Even though I know that I should not yell, I also think that sometimes you just need to (like the whole go outside and just scream therapy?)….you can’t just let it bottle up.

    Our son does not like yelling….well more so any loudness. We have a quiet home (with only 2 cats) and even when we go over to our neighbor’s house and her dogs bark he would cry. So he is a constant reminder for me not to yell because he gets upset. Hopefully he gets over the whole dogs barking issue and a little less sensitive to yelling because like I said my mom is a yeller and my whole family talks loudly, but not to the point where he is ok with yelling all the time….I need that reminder. 🙂

    • Layne Quintanilla May 21, 2013 at 10:26 pm #

      Yes – that’s how I get, too… feeling like I could burst. Ironically, it certainly doesn’t seem like they’re listening any better! Plus, I always feel worse after yelling. Hopefully we can both continue to work on it. 🙂 Thanks for your comment! I love your feedback and honesty!