Often, behind closed doors, I’m not the mom I want to be.
I’m impatient over mistakes. Frustrated by accidents.
Last week I shared about being that mom. The screamer. The yeller. The banshee.
But I am so tired of that mom. I am tired of midnight prayers for forgiveness. I am tired of even needing the forgiveness in the first place. I want to be the mom I imagine in my head — the fun, light hearted, laughing mom. The mom that happily does projects and plays. The one lets go of the to do list and the perfectionism.
I read two posts that so deeply spoke to my heart recently. I would encourage you to take a few minutes to read them as well because I know you will be blessed.
The first is The Important Thing About Yelling from Hands Free Mama. Her post was so on point for me that I cried. I love my boys so much. To the moon and back. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Yet I spend a majority of my days feeling frazzled, checking off to do lists and panicking over silly things. I would do anything for them and yet I’m not making the choice to change my behavior. The one thing I need to do for them that matters more than many other things.
The second post is 10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids from The Orange Rhino Challenge. I also did a lot of identifying with this post! We often find it “easy” to hold it together in public because we’re around others. Yet we lose it at home since we feel “safe” there.
As frustrated as I am with my own behavior, it is in a way encouraging to know that I am not the only mom. I am not unique in my problem. There is hope in knowing that we are in it together.
So I am going to spend the next 30 days not yelling. Well.. at least at the boys. I will probably need to shout at a cabinet or two while getting started. But I refuse to do it at my boys. I am making the conscious decision to change. To not be frustrated or short tempered anymore. To react in love, in peace, in grace.
If you are a banshee mom, I would love for you to join me. You can leave a comment or follow along silently. Either way, I am covering us all in prayer. In faith that we can each do better and be more of the mama that God has for us to be.