Behind Closed Doors

behind closed doors

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Often, behind closed doors, I’m not the mom I want to be.

 

I’m impatient over mistakes. Frustrated by accidents.

 

Last week I shared about being that mom. The screamer. The yeller. The banshee.

 

But I am so tired of that mom. I am tired of midnight prayers for forgiveness. I am tired of even needing the forgiveness in the first place. I want to be the mom I imagine in my head — the fun, light hearted, laughing mom. The mom that happily does projects and plays. The one lets go of the to do list and the perfectionism.

 

I read two posts that so deeply spoke to my heart recently. I would encourage you to take a few minutes to read them as well because I know you will be blessed.

 

The first is The Important Thing About Yelling from Hands Free Mama. Her post was so on point for me that I cried. I love my boys so much. To the moon and back. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. Yet I spend a majority of my days feeling frazzled, checking off to do lists and panicking over silly things. I would do anything for them and yet I’m not making the choice to change my behavior. The one thing I need to do for them that matters more than many other things.

 

The second post is 10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids from The Orange Rhino Challenge. I also did a lot of identifying with this post! We often find it “easy” to hold it together in public because we’re around others. Yet we lose it at home since we feel “safe” there.

 

As frustrated as I am with my own behavior, it is in a way encouraging to know that I am not the only mom. I am not unique in my problem. There is hope in knowing that we are in it together.

 

So I am going to spend the next 30 days not yelling. Well.. at least at the boys. I will probably need to shout at a cabinet or two while getting started. But I refuse to do it at my boys. I am making the conscious decision to change. To not be frustrated or short tempered anymore. To react in love, in peace, in grace.

 

If you are a banshee mom, I would love for you to join me. You can leave a comment or follow along silently. Either way, I am covering us all in prayer. In faith that we can each do better and be more of the mama that God has for us to be.

About Layne Quintanilla

I'm a Child of God, wife, frugal home school mama, and blogger. Living each day intentionally & full of joy!

22 Responses to Behind Closed Doors

  1. laurie damrose May 29, 2013 at 10:38 am #

    I have been trying not to yell and get mad myself.

    • Layne Quintanilla May 29, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

      It’s a lot harder than it seems, isn’t it, Laurie? We’re in it together! 🙂

  2. Lindsey May 29, 2013 at 10:46 am #

    This is me. I always feel so awful after I lose it with Aubrey. I feel like I am constantly wanting to be the mom I portray to others, the patient, understanding, calm mom instead of the frustrated, at the end of her rope mom. Count me in on this 30 day challenge, I needed to read this too!. 🙂

    • Layne Quintanilla May 29, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

      YES! That’s right where I am, Lindsey. I can’t wait to see how we grow in the next 30 days. 🙂 Thanks for joining me.

  3. Jessie May 29, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    I found the Orange Rhino Challenge about a month ago and it has been on my mind ever since. I never thought I would be such a short tempered mom but I am. I yell over the silliest things, and find myself ashamed and upset over it after. I too pray for more patience and to be the mom that I want to be — not this crazed lunatic that is always yelling. I am going to follow along, hopefully without yelling, and I will pray for you also. It is nice to know that I am not the only mom that feels this way and that struggles to keep my cool with my kids. I am so sick of being the “mean mom” I want my kids to have wonderful childhood memories … Not ones filled with a mad and yelling mom. Thank you for the inspiration and good luck — you CAN do it!!

    • Layne Quintanilla May 29, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

      You are most certainly not the only mom! We need to be encouraging each other! I truly feel like a lot of the pressure comes from wanting to be like what we think the other moms are doing — the ones that look like they have it all together. Except for a very few, I doubt that anyone is really that put together. If we focus more on loving each other and lifting each other up.. I think we’d all be better across the board! Thanks for joining me, Jessie!

      • Jessie May 29, 2013 at 3:53 pm #

        I agree with you! I feel like I put so much pressure on myself to be like the “perfect” moms that I see and it feels like such a let down when I realize that I’m not and maybe I can’t be. I do need to remember that no one is perfect, and I need to stop comparing myself to others. (Easier said then done!) I am excited to follow your journey, and to embark on my own. 🙂

        • Layne Quintanilla May 29, 2013 at 4:30 pm #

          I’m glad you’re with me, Jessie! I think true joy happens when you’re happy with yourself instead of worrying about being like other moms!

  4. Addi May 29, 2013 at 12:04 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life. I sometimes find myself laying in bed thinking about all the dumb stuff that I got mad at my boys for when really i was just stressed out. i am definitely going to go read those other articles right now.

    • Layne Quintanilla May 29, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

      You’ll be so encouraged, Addi! I think we all feel like we’re on an island by ourselves dealing with these issues alone. We are all in it together and can be stronger by working together and encouraging each other. Let me know what you think of those other posts! 🙂

  5. Jeri Accardo May 29, 2013 at 1:20 pm #

    I must say………..I am very PROUD of you for all your dedication to change. It is a lot of work, trial & error, prayers and so on. But on the side of victory and accomplishment………..is the wonderful gift of
    PERSONAL GROWTH! And that my dear is our common goal….Growth only makes me a better person for my family.

    Hugs, Love & Light, and congratulations on GROWTH!!!

    • Layne Quintanilla May 29, 2013 at 3:31 pm #

      Aww, thanks, Jeri! Thank you so much for the love and encouragement! Stay tuned to see how the next 30 days {and beyond!} go! 🙂

  6. Stephanie May 29, 2013 at 8:09 pm #

    I will take that challenge with you! I find myself getting upset a the littlest things so days and at the end of the day I am left wondering where the peace and grace went.

    • Layne Quintanilla May 29, 2013 at 10:23 pm #

      Yep! I’m glad you’re joining me, Stephanie! I’m always glad to have you by my side! 🙂

  7. Michelle Knopp June 2, 2013 at 1:26 am #

    Wow. I really sympathize with this. I too am a yeller. I am going to also commit to 30 days of no yelling. It won’t be easy, but soooo worth it. My boys deserve it! Thanks for posting.

  8. Tina S June 7, 2013 at 1:39 pm #

    Thank you for sharing this. Summer vacation is close at hand and I don’t want to spend that time yelling at the kids. My sister reminds me often that we only have them at home for so long and that those checklists can wait.

    • Layne Quintanilla June 7, 2013 at 2:19 pm #

      You’re welcome, Tina! It’s so hard to remember that the lists aren’t really important… especially when they feel so huge! I hope your summer vacation is a smooth and relaxing time for you!

  9. Ellie July 17, 2013 at 10:48 am #

    Praying for you. I’ve been there. It took a long time for me to realize what I was doing to my kids when they were little. They learn how to react to stress from how we react to stress. Praying for peace and calmness in your household. A time for you to relax and think about what a blessing you have with your wonderful children. It will make it easier not to yell at them. You don’t want them to have those memories later. I’m proud of you for telling us and asking for help. When you make the mistake of yelling, I would apologize to your kids for yelling at them and calmly tell them what it is that they do that made you upset. Sometimes they don’t know if you don’t tell them. But tell them in a loving way, not by yelling. I guess it depends on how old the kids are if you can do this. 🙂 Also, remember, kids will be kids and they might just be doing things that kids do at that particular age. Try to remember how you were at their age. A long time ago, our family made a pledge of not yelling (for all of us), and it has worked over many years. Our “children” are 20 and 23 now. Praying God’s blessings for you.

    • Layne Quintanilla July 19, 2013 at 11:29 pm #

      Thank you for such a beautiful note, Ellie! I appreciate it! Blessings to you as well! 🙂

  10. Sandy Cain July 24, 2013 at 11:29 pm #

    Guess what, Layne? You’re only human, with human feelings and the need to express them. Please don’t fall into that trap that so many of us have – the feeling that you need to be the perfect SUPERMOM. If you get upset and yell a little, so what? Trust me, in 2 weeks, your kids won’t even remember it. Just be the best person you can. I know you’re a good Mom – and HE knows it too. Don’t be so hard on yourself! Of course, always strive to be a better person – but realize that the person you are NOW is pretty darn good! ((((HUGS)))

    • Layne Quintanilla July 27, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

      Thank you so much Sandy!! I appreciate your kind and true words!!